"These are short articles I have written for our school newsletter."
5 A's of Loving - Ponderings by Paris…Your School Counselor
I have been reading a wonderful book I received from a dear friend at Christmas. The 5 Keys of Mindful Loving by David Richo was sited in this book of wisdom and the quote “We feel loved when we receive attention, acceptance, appreciation and affection and when we are allowed the freedom to live in accord with our own deepest needs and wishes.” from his book. These 5 A’s are behaviors that make the words I LOVE YOU real is what it went on to explain. When I read that I decided then I wanted to highlight these 5 A’s during February when we turn our thoughts to love on Valentine’s Day! My question is this…do you give those 5 A’s to the people you love? We all desire attention, acceptance, appreciation and affection and it is vitally important to be allowed to be who we are! If you are receiving these 5 A’s as a child it will develop a healthy sense of self. What better gift to give your child than the ability to feel great about themselves! If you receive these as an adult, it brings about joy and peace. I hope you will think about giving these 5 A’s to those that are most important to you…it will bring about a very rich and loving life for yourself. What you give away comes back to you in blessings! Pay it forward! Mrs. Paris
Cabin Fever & Listening - Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
I can surely imagine that cabin fever has tested your patience this winter. Remember we are all in the same boat. I can assure you that teachers are quite anxious for outside recess, as I know the children miss being outdoors. I am personally missing the sunshine. Two-hour delays are certainly an inconvenience for many. However, dwelling on the negative doesn’t really change anything and can increase the frustration level. I am a firm believer that we become what we focus upon and I would like to offer some positives for you to consider: beautiful breath-taking snowfalls to enjoy, excitement of children playing in the snow and spring is less than a month away! Is your glass half-empty or half-full?
As I was reading a devotional this morning, I really felt moved to add this to my thoughts to share with you. The story described how a young boy knew he was loved deeply by his Grampa because whenever the child would ride over to see him, he would quickly stop whatever he was doing to pay attention and listen to the boy. It sparked memories for me and created a smile on my face as I thought about the adults in my life that made me feel important and loved by taking time to listen to me as a child…and you can imagine I had plenty to say! In the busyness of our lives, do we take time to really listen and help a child feel truly loved? It really is such a small task that I am afraid we overlook the importance of it. I challenge you to consider the closing statement I read by Chip Russo: When your days of labor are through, will you have worked hard and loved fully, or will you have fully worked and hardly loved? For me, it was a very important question to think about. When my days are through on this earth, I want the love that I showed others to live on in their hearts and be an example of how to embrace life and truly live. This is a personal goal I must continuously work on in this busy life. Take time to slow down and enjoy your precious present…you only get one…and keep your glass half-full.
Vitamin N (Feb. 2001) - A note from Mrs. Paris…Your School Counselor
I wrote last month about Dr. John Rosemond’s advice and am still fascinated by his words that I must share some more. I will relate some his prescription plan for administering *Vitamin N (NO) to your children. He claims we are not giving enough Vitamin N to our children and it only weakens their character by depriving them of developing individual resourcefulness, perseverance and a tolerance for frustration that will help with anger control later in life. The tolerance for frustration does seem lower in the children we see in school and I think he may have some very valid points. *One thing he states is you should not do for your children what they are capable of doing for themselves. Telling them they can do it on their own pushes the growth of perseverance and self-sufficiency. When the child says, “I can’t,” don’t argue. Just say, “Well, I won’t.” You’ll be amazed at how creative and resourceful children can become if given the chance. *Don’t worry about treating your child fairly. Remember that to a child, “fair” means “me first,” with the biggest and best of everything. *Don’t always rescue them from failure and/or disappointments. And the best is *don’t overdose your child emotionally by giving them too much attention or too much praise. Dr. Rosemond suggests if you pay too much attention to your children, they have no reason to pay attention to you. He devotes two chapters to this thought! Great food for thought about how we relate to our children!! Do you need to increase your dose of Vitamin N???
Letting Kids Fail - Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
I am reading Dr. John Rosemond’s book, Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children and came across the problem of parents getting Billy up and ready for school. Dr. Rosemond stated that Billy would learn to solve the problem when, and only when, his failure to get up and get moving in the morning upsets and inconveniences him more than it upsets and inconveniences the parents. I say “HOW TRUE!!!” and would like to encourage the parents out there to let your children have problems in life that they need to solve! You are not being a “bad” parent if your children learn things “the hard way” as my Grandfather use to say! Dr. Rosemond calls “Parenting by Helicopter” destructive to the development of responsibility in children. If you hover constantly and try to keep problems from occurring in your child’s life…please stop! If you wish your child to develop responsibility, initiative and perseverance (main ingredients needed to be successful in life)…LET THEM FAIL! I know it hurts to watch this happen but I am a firm believer in the learning process occurs through trial-and-error. Your child has a built in ability to problem-solve if allowed to use it and experience consequences. Next time you are getting overly frustrated with a situation with your “darling” child, step back and look at who really has the problem?! Are you hovering too much? Land the helicopter and let them have a chance to fail on their own! It doesn’t mean you aren’t there to be supportive if they seek help but I believe you will raise a happier, healthy child if you park your helicopter!
Marriage Investors is a wonderful support service for families and is currently offering the following services to help Johnson County couples:
Family Night Out – weekly session for families to improve their skills with parenting, discipline, communication, conflict resolution, and finances with the goal of keeping couples strong and families in tact. This partnership with Head Start in Franklin meets Thursdays from 6pm – 8pm with a meal and free child care provided. For more information, contact Marriage Investors at 736-7840.
Couples Workshop – On April 30, 2005, Marriage Investors will offer a workshop for engaged and newlywed couples to help strengthen their marriages. The workshop will be offered at United Way of Johnson County from 9am – 12 (noon). For more information, contact Marriage Investors at 736-7840.
Expectations - Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
Recently our community was dealt another tragedy with the death of a young mother, leaving a fifth grade boy with his grandma and returning him back to his “home” school of Northwood. I have been so inspired by the outpouring of love and compassion from our community.
I want to take this opportunity to say THANK-YOU for caring deeply and reaching out to all those involved with warm thoughts, prayers, hugs, cards, food and love.
I want to also add that even in time of tragedy you must still hold everyone accountable for his or her actions no matter how awful things may become. There is comfort in consistency and structure and maintaining expectations can create that comfort. You can wrap people in love and support yet still have high expectations and maintain honest concern.
We never know what type of hand life will deal us to play out. The easy way is to fold the bad hand and walk away. Please know that you can draw support from each other and learn to turn things around. I truly believe you can alter your life by altering your attitude.
Enjoy the upcoming holiday season and count the blessings around you!
Vitamin N (Feb. 2004) - Ponderings by Paris…Your School Counselor
Dr. John Rosemond continues to be a favorite to read. I have shared this before but believe it is worth repeating! His prescription plan for administering *Vitamin N (NO) to your children is a critical character building tool. He claims we are not giving enough Vitamin N to our children and it only weakens their character by depriving them of developing individual resourcefulness, perseverance and a tolerance for frustration that will help with anger control later in life. That is a lot to consider…reread that sentence again and give it some extra thought! I must say the tolerance for frustration does seem lower in the children we see in school and I think he may have some very valid points. *One thing he states is you should not do for your children what they are capable of doing for themselves. Telling them they can do it on their own pushes the growth of perseverance and self-sufficiency. When the child says, “I can’t,” don’t argue. Just say, “Well, I won’t.” You’ll be amazed at how creative and resourceful children can become if given the chance. *Don’t worry about treating your child fairly. Remember that to a child, “fair” means “me first,” with the biggest and best of everything. *Don’t always rescue them from failure and/or disappointments. And the best is *don’t overdose your child emotionally by giving them too much attention or too much praise. Dr. Rosemond suggests if you pay too much attention to your children, they have no reason to pay attention to you. He devotes two chapters to this thought! Great food for thought about how we relate to our children!! Do you need to increase your dose of Vitamin N??? Please check out his website if you have access at www.rosemond.com or call me and I will be glad to loan you any books I have. Spring is less than 2 months away! Enjoy, it is YOUR choice!
Parenting Description - Ponderings by Paris…Our School Counselor
PARENT—Job Description
Position: Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma or Dad, Daddy, Dada or Pa
Description: Challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment where candidates should possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight and travel required and expenses are not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
Responsibilities: The rest of your life! Must be willing to be hated, at least at moments and learn to bite your tongue. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gathers for clients of all ages. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute and embarrassed the next. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.
Possibility for Advancement & Promotion: NONE. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and up dating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
Previous Experience: NONE required unfortunately! On the job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
Wages and Compensation: Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about his reverse-salary scheme is you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more.
Benefits: While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, not paid holidays and not stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal grown and free hugs for the life if you play your cards right! It can also give you great story material to share with your friends.
If parenting was presented to you this way…would you have signed up for the job? Exactly why we need to support each other and be open to asking for suggestions.
You know you are welcome to call and ask for what you need and I’ll do the best I can to help! Mrs. Paris
Happy Fixing - Ponderings by Paris…Your School Counselor
A new year begins soon for all of us to grow and develop as we continue on this journey of life! I hope you are a lifelong learner as parents. Even as a “seasoned” parent (my children are 28, 25 and 16) I am constantly learning new parenting skills. I must share a quick comment on parenting and children….I know as a parent how it hurts to see your child struggle and suffer from injustice, hurts, frustrations, etc. We would like to jump in and “fix” things for our children so they can be HAPPY! Please, avoid doing this if you can! You are depriving your child from learning how to develop good problem solving skills, which is an essential skill they require to become successful adults! Besides sometimes it is good for them to have those negative emotions and learn how to properly control them. Giving suggestions and guidance are good things but taking care of the problem and fighting their battles will not be helpful in the long run! Sometimes your child just wants to talk about what is happening in their life and not looking for suggestions. My daughter use to begin telling me of woes in middle school and I would ask if this was a “just shut-up and listen mom” or “I need some advice please”. Most times it was just a listen story but this always made it clear what I needed to do! Be patient and remember your children are their own beings….not an extension of you! Our goal as parents should be to guide them in this development, NOT fix it for them. May this holiday break time be a blessing to you and your family just as you bless others. As always, do not hesitate to call me if I can be of help to you in any way!
Teach by Example - Ponderings by Paris…Your School Counselor
AS YOU WATCH YOUR CHILDREN, REMEMBER THEY WATCH YOU!
It is sad how much violence is in the world today and sometimes it is overwhelming as a parent to think how I can possibly battle all the garbage my children are exposed to as they grow up and set their values. There is something very powerful you can do!
The best way to teach is by example. Show your children how to be compassionate and loving in your relationships. Another skill to teach your child is what to do with anger when it enters their lives. Anger is an okay emotion and needs to be recognized as such. You must then give them the tools for expression that doesn’t harm others or themselves. You guessed it; children learn that by example too! I caution you to be aware of how the children around you witness your expression of anger. I fit into the group of adults who struggle with my temper (anger) at times. Unfortunately most often it will rear its ugly head at home at night. I pledge to take more responsibility for taming my anger—not denying or repressing it---but embracing it in a positive way and learn from it. The final piece that I will comment on is time with your children. It is so simple yet so vital. Do you show them they are important by your presence in their life? Family time can be as simple as reading a book together, playing a game, or just talking about your day. Teach by example, showing how much importance you place on time with your children. They will learn they are valuable! I will continue to love and reach out to others, especially your children at Northwood. Won’t you join me in this same pledge and commitment?? It is easier to just blame other parents, gun access, media violence, video games, music, although I do believe these are significant influences on children. As I tell students, the only true person you have control over is you! Make a difference by taking personal responsibility and teach by example!
What's Wrong with Grownups (March 2001) - A note from Mrs. Paris…your school counselor
I don’t know about you but it sure lifts my spirits to see the sun coming up and hear the birds sing as I head to work. Spring is just around the corner!!!
I often times write information to parents about their children but this one is dedicated to children about their parents. Please cut out the kidwise strip found on this page and post it where your children will see it. Also the following was written by a ten year old and adapted from Reader’s Digest. WHAT’S WRONG WITH GROWN-UPS? Grown-ups make promises, then forget all about them. Grown-ups don’t do the things they’re always telling the children to do-like pick up their things, or always tell the truth. Grown-ups never really listen to what children have to say. Grown-ups make mistakes, but they won’t admit them. Grown-ups interrupt children all the time but if a child interrupts a grownup, he gets a scolding. Grown-ups talk about money and bills too much and it scares you. They say money isn’t important, but the way they talk about it, it sounds like the most important think in the world. Grown-ups always talk about what it was like when they were ten years old, but they never try to think about what it’s like to be ten years old right now. MMMMMM…think on these thoughts of a ten-year-old awhile! Remember I’m here if you need me! Mrs. Paris
Mean Mom - A note from Mrs. Paris…your school counselor
For mother’s day I would like to run this note I received on e-mail. I do not know the author, but my mom sure fit this too:
Was your mom mean??
I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When other people had a Pepsi and Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too. Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less. We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do. She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn’t let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16. Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property or even arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what’s wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms!!!
If you fit this description, be proud and keep this to share with others, even your children!
Gratitude Exercise - A note from Mrs. Paris…your school counselor
Thanksgiving will be upon us soon and it is a time when we are to consider all we have to be thankful for in our life. Looking for the positive is a skill you develop by practice. Make this November a time to brush up on you positive searching skill and you will create a huge list for this Thanksgiving. Get a packet of 3x5 cards and a pencil. Every evening as you are putting your child to bed take a moment and make a list of 2 things EACH that you can be grateful for that day. Or if you work night shift, make a list for each other and compare them the next day. It can be as simple as “I survived the meeting” to seeing a beautiful sunset that day to being able to read to getting a special hug. Keep these cards and then at Thanksgiving share them with your family and friends. This is a habit worth developing and will make a big difference in your outlook. I keep a gratitude journal that most every morning (I’m too tired at night) I quickly write 5 things I am grateful for happening in my life the day before. When I let this habit slip, it shows in my attitude! I am a firm believer in being grateful. What a gift to give our children…the habit of thanksgiving all year through!
Holiday Giving -
Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
Holiday Season is here! It causes me to wonder how we get so carried away with missing the reason for the season. I cannot give you the theological reason but if you are a believer, I challenge you to take a moment and remind yourself what the true reason is. If you are not, I challenge you to consider that this season is filled with love and giving, not getting and wanting! Next are several questions to think about…Do you involve your children in activities that “give”? Do they give of their time to others? Do they make crafts, draw pictures, and create collages as gifts to others? Do you give them opportunities to create their own family traditions? Do you give them your time to be involved in their growing up? They will be gone all too soon and as a “seasoned” parent I can speak from experience about that! Please don’t miss this opportunity to show love and giving to your children. If that is your focus, they can only learn good things and I can guarantee you will be a happier person for it too.
Forgetfulness - A note from Mrs. Paris…your school counselor
2004 is finally upon us with an opportunity to look at some new habits to develop in a new year! I believe our responsibility as parents is to help guide our children and assist their development into responsible adults so the circle of life may continue in good form. How many of you get frustrated with your children “forgetting” things all the time? I love to read Dr. John Rosemond’s material and found a clever article on children being “forgetters”. He states there is a wonderful remedy to increase the memory of these types of children and it is called discipline. He feels these children are simply disobedient and that saying “I forgot” is an evasive way of saying “I didn’t want to” or something like that. He challenges you to think about the selectiveness of your forgetful child. Do they remember things they want to remember? I would bet you answered yes and if so the discipline method should cure or at least improve your “forgetter”. Dr. Rosemond suggests making a list of your child’s privileges, like bike riding, T.V. time, video game time, friends over, etc. and post them and every time they “forget” something (homework, chore, etc.), cross off a privilege and it is lost until Monday. No discussion, no excuses, just a fact and stick to it! Sunday night a new list is posted and the slate is wiped clean. If you’re consistent (that is the key ingredient for any change to occur) for at least 4 weeks, you will be amazed at how fast your child’s memory will improve! If you have a “forgetter” in your household, set a goal in the new year to help improve their memory by February! If you would like to read more about Dr. Rosemond give me a call or visit his website at www.rosemond.com.
Mean Mom & Summer Safety - Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
Once again it is hard to imagine that another school year is coming to a rapid close. So many wonderful things happen within a school year and to see the growth that students make is a true joy. Thank-you for sharing your child with us this past year and trusting that we all care deeply and want what is best of your child.
Summer often allows for more freedom and less structure and we often worry about student’s safety. I would like to leave you with this note I received on e-mail. I do not know the author, but my mom sure fit this too! I hope we have enough “mean moms” out there so our students will remain very safe this summer:
Was your mom mean??
I know mine was. We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When other people had a Pepsi and Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too. Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You’d think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less. We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and empty the trash plus all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do. She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn’t let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come to the door so she could meet them. While everyone else could date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 16. Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other’s property or even arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. Now that we have left home, we are all educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what’s wrong with the world today. It just doesn’t have enough mean moms!!!
If you fit this description, be proud and keep this to share with others, even your children!
What's Wrong with Grownups (March 2004) - Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
I have comment to share from John Rosemond about Homework…which seems to be the hot topic right now and a big reason grades have dropped for some students. This is taken from his book Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, which I think has some GREAT situations and advice! These parents had a son not taking responsibility for homework and as a result parents were working very hard at “being sure” he did his homework and they were getting very frustrated with their son. They had a conference with the teacher who politely told them to stay out of it and she would take care of it. Things got worse and of course the parents were worried. They were seeking advice from Dr. Rosemond and this is his reply: “Andrew’s teacher realizes that in order for him to begin taking responsibility for himself, you’re going to have to stop taking responsibility for him. Having done what she told you to do, you’re in a panic because the problem is now more noticeable and all your past accomplishments seem to be going down the tubes. But that’s just the point. The accomplishments were yours, not his. It’s time Andrew learned to walk on his own two feet. As he does, he’s bound to stumble and perhaps fall flat on his face. That’s all right. He seems blessed with a teacher who sees the problem and knows how to solve it. Trust her. She sounds like the answer to a prayer.” And I say Amen to that! Please land your helicopter. What better place than elementary for them to struggle, learn on their own and yes, sometimes fail! Children are so amazingly resilient and now is a better time to test that than when they become teenagers!!! I only wish I hadn’t worked so hard to “make my boys” succeed in school, it would have saved me some headaches when they were in high school! They are successful 22 and 26 year olds now but I can say, “been there, done that!” So hang in there parents and keep learning!
Belonging - Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
A sense of belonging is critical to healthy development. It is what every child and adult is looking for and will do anything to get. You can build a sense of belonging in many ways. As we scurry around during this holiday time, greet young persons as if they have value when you encounter them at work, in the neighborhood, at church or school. Spend time with your own child, play with them, read with them, and include them in making dinner and even household chores (which they will fight)! My daughter and I spent a whole 45 minutes just sitting on the couch coloring together the other night…with no TV on either! I must admit it was very relaxing and created an easy time to talk together as well. I had many things running through my mind that I should be doing but what is really more important? I want my daughter to feel like she belongs to me. I believe only quality time, not buying her things, can show her that. Take time out during the busy holiday time to give your child that sense of belonging…it will be the most precious gift you can give!
Noticing - Ponderings by Paris…Your School Counselor
A new year begins soon for all of us to grow and develop as we continue on this journey of life! I hope you are a lifelong learner as parents. Even as a “seasoned” parent (my children are 29, 26 and 17) I am constantly learning new parenting skills. I must share a few tips from a book study I just participated in with some teachers from here and Creekside. It was one of the best reads professionally I have done! Transforming the Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach by Howard Glasser was the book. He also has a web site at www.difficultchild.com you can visit. I certainly wish I had this book when my middle child was little. I think I could have lessened the chaos we were involved with at that time! His focus is that we need to recognize OFTEN when children are in control and complying with requests and rules and tell them we notice it…plain and simple. When they break a rule they receive a very short time out with no further response, lecture, or discussion and life goes on. He suggests that children know they what they did was wrong and gathering attention for it in any form only reinforces the behavior. There is also a great credit system that can go with the recognition/timeouts that he discusses in his book. One other point I believe strongly in is that emotions are vital for providing guidance and direction in our lives because they are energy. Unfortunately our society is very fearful of emotions. We often do not allow for their display nor do we trust the emotion. There are NO right or wrong emotions…they just are! Emotions are strong waves of energy and just as electricity, fire, water or wind can be sources of great power or destruction, the bottom line is in how we use them! An intense child that has strong emotions has a gift and our job is to help them utilize their gift in this world. A great poet once said that we can live by our fire or die by it. One dies by his fire when he does not use his gifts. We need to focus on helping to make children’s emotions useful and purposeful instead of random, chaotic and overwhelming! Once a proper structure is in place and a child achieves an inner sense of being able to handle strong feelings…look out, blessings will abound! Please consider exploring this school of thought…I find it fascinating and have seen it work! Have a joy filled new year…make it the best one ever. The choice is yours!!! Pay it forward! Mrs. Paris
Children & Family - Ponderings by Paris…your school counselor
It is hard to believe that the end of the calendar year is here already and a chance to start some new habits in 2003. I have been reading some of John Rosemond’s thoughts and wish to share some of them with you for your consideration. “My children come first” may be a statement you have heard from the mouth of a well-meaning parent, or maybe has been spoken by your very own lips. I find Dr. Rosemond’s words very interesting…he feels if you wish to make raising children difficult, put your child first in the family. You will guarantee that they will become manipulative, demanding and unappreciative of anything and everything you do for them. A pretty strong statement I know, but think about it. Have we elevated children to a position of being the central figure in the family unit? Dr. Rosemond suggests that the more child-centered the American family has become, the more demanding and self-centered American children have become and therefore the more demanding the task of raising children has become. It further guarantees the ultimate unhappiness of your children; because true happiness is achieved ONLY by accepting responsibility for one’s self, not by being led to believe that someone else is responsible for you! So, do we as parents become “selfish” and take care of ourselves first?! Consider this: You can’t supply anyone else’s “warehouse” of needs unless your own is fully stocked. Dr. Rosemond also prescribes that you must for you children’s sake as well as your own, give yourself permission to be creatively selfish. Only then will you have “inventory” enough to share with your kids and others. Note: Having a parent-centered family does not mean you ignore the needs of your children, you are just more cautious of the priority they take! Dr. Rosemond’s always challenges me to think a little deeper about life and my actions. If you would like to read further about this, you may borrow his book from me at school or the public library.
